I have been trying to think of a movie that has been as overhyped as Spiderman 3 that actually turned out to be halfway decent. Er… I can’t think of anything. The last movie this hyped was Mission Impossible, which was a steaming pile. Now, I’ll admit, I was looking forward to the new Spiderman. I liked the first two and after hearing they spent over $500 million on this third one, I thought it would be a non-stop roller coaster of action and adventure. I was very wrong.

What did Sony get for their $500 million? A two and a half hour long chick flick which sets records for both most expensive movie ever made, and most man tears shed in a film. Now, Sony is well aware that they will be lucky to break even. They didn’t allow any pre-screenings, and there were no free tickets to anything. God forbid they let some theatre ushers in for free. Anyway, despite the fact that Spiderman 3 is a $500 million disappointment, they still managed to dominate the box office this weekend, grossing $151 million.

Although Spiderman 3 got asses in the seats, there’s no telling whether this film will be able to break even. They have to rely on people not telling their friends it sucked, which is harder and harder to do in this technological age. I saw it early, but by the time I got on MySpace to warn my friends against it, there were already 9 other posts saying the same thing. The level of turd burgery in this movie is so high, it seems the cast can’t even get excited about it, with some of them skipping premieres and bashing the movie in interviews. Even the ‘complimentary’ reviews aren’t THAT complimentary. Most of them reek of Sony ad money, remaining completely neutral throughout the review with a few well placed quotes that could be easily taken out of context and a rating of A+ or 5 stars or something else not reflected in the text.

Hey, all of this sounds really familiar. Maybe when the majors finally fold up, execs can find a new career in film, where its all about overblown budgets and egos, low quality products, pandering to the lowest common denominator, and blowing smoke up each others asses! See? There is a silver lining…

AJ, KOAR